After the Affair: Day 1 Broken Hearted

Day 1:
My husband told me last night that he had an affair with another woman and is leaving me. "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!" Boy, talk about timing. Not to mention that my birthday is also the same week as Valentine's Day. What a gift! It's the gift that keeps on giving!

He says the affair is over, but the guilt is too much for him to bear. So he's leaving me. What do I do now? He woke up as normal and went to work. But before he left, he asked me if I was going to leave with the kids or if he should leave? I just told him that it was his decision. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster and have no control over what happens now.

I've cried and vomited all night. I also prayed all night. But so far it hasn't helped. I can't eat. I have no appetite. My head hurts. My eyes burn from all the crying. And I keep having dry heaves. I just told my young son that mommy doesn't feel good today. I would never say anything bad about his father to him. The man is a wonderful father. And he used to be the best husband in the world. I guess I am the one who is the failure here.

I suspected something was bothering him because he's pulled back and been distant of late. But to actually hear the words spoken ... I feel my whole world crumbling beneath me. And the fact that we have two young children even magnifies the devastation. "This isn't a movie", I told him. "Think about what you're doing to us." But he's like a robot -- or more like the Tin Man without a heart. He just stood there defiant with his arms folded across his chest as he told me.

People say this happens all the time. Just look at daytime talk shows. But it's never happened to me before. And I am absolutely broken and feel totally worthless now. I don't know what to do or what to tell my babies if their daddy does leave. And I am way too ashamed to tell any of my friends or family. That's why I'm blogging. Writing helps me clear my head.

But will we make it? Can our marriage survive? I want it to ... more than anything. I made a vow to love this man forever and those feelings haven't changed. But the hurt is so raw right now. I just don't know.